The Fearless Wordsmith

The  Fearless Wordsmith
The Master's Princess of Words

The Fearless Wordsmith

Welcome to my blog site my constant readers!

This site's name is a combination of the titles of my two books "Seasons of Emotions" and "Inner Reflections of the Muse". "Looking For Your Half-Orange?" was the original title which had to be reconstructed.

Read posts about life, love and relationships straight from the fearless wordsmith's mouth!

A joyous reading escapade peeps!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Love On The Rebound (Real Or Desperate?)

Some of us have been through this situation. We have just come out of a failed if not messy breakup and we thought that we would be dying of LONELINESS and agony. We ask ourselves if we could just readily jump to stage 6 to recovery without experiencing the other 5 which are quite emotionally battering and exhausting. As I have read, there could be 5, 6 or 7 phases. Some are just detailed for each stage that’s why the numbers vary.

According to some relationship counselors, there are 6 emotional stages of a relationship breakup:

1.Pain. Loss of someone special to you can be unbearable at times. There would be days when all seems to be doing bad but don’t fret since the hurt you’re feeling will subside as time passes by.

2.Denial. At this stage, our mind refuses to accept the reality that our lover has walked away from us. It could be devastatingly unbelievable you like to sometimes slap yourself to wake your senses that this is really happening. LOL Tongue

3.Anger. After the deep impact of your initial shock has been overcome, anger then will replace the feeling. You will have bouts of self-pity coupled up with blaming destiny or fate for what has transpired. Be careful though of turning your anger to those people close to you who are there to comfort you or you might have violent tendencies of having a revenge on your ex out of bitterness. Remember there are still some good memories left behind you also cannot erase. Vent out somewhere else! Throw dishes and TVs on the wall! (there is a place here in the Philippines, I think in Pampanga for that. They get paidd after you've thrown things out of your anger LO Tongue ) 

4.Depression. The “emo” phase is but natural when we are missing the companionship of the lover we once had along with the memories of the past once shared. No one can really understand what you’re going through but YOU. Don't over dwell on your past. Let bygones be bygones. That's life. No one dies of a broken heart! Mind you!

5.Healing turn. After dwelling on what had happened on your love arena, in the next stage, you will be able to grasp and comprehend what fate has given you. LOL Tongue This is the acceptance phase wherein you don’t feel resentment anymore and have forgiven who had hurt you as well as yourself. You are then ready to go to the final period to recovery which is…

6.Moving on. You can see now the world in rose-colored glasses and that you are now ready to mingle with the singles and available out there. No using crying over spilled milk now since tomorrow would be a brand new day!

This isn’t yet the point of the blog yet but having a rebound love affair not until you’ve completely healed and moved on.

You can hear some friends advise you to find a new love ASAP to fill the emptiness you’re feeling when you’re just on stage 3 or 4. Finding love or you want revenge over a messy affair when you’re in the “anger phase” ? Not a good idea. Picking up someone who is readily available for you even though you haven’t gotten over you ex ain’t nice. Happy It couldn’t be love you’re feeling baby but a rebound thing that could backfire on you leaving hearts broken. 

Healing your lonesomeness on stage 4 so you give in to the advances of someone who is giving you attention that time won’t bear good fruits later on. As I have observed and studied people on the rebound thing, they are quite desperate to forget all about their exes but in actuality they still harbor loving feelings towards them, using someone else to occupy the space left by the ex lover. At one time or the other, they still miss their exes and feel bored of their current flames. Even doubting if what they have is LOVE while in fact, it is mere REBOUND. 

One must be completely healed before engaging one’s self again with another person romantically to avoid hurting feelings in the end. It’s not fair for you to compare your current lover with your ex or to see your ex through your current flame as well, Him, having the same features with your past bf? Her being also a caring lady like your ex wife? Silly reasons to have someone enter your life at a time you are quite vulnerable aren’t’ they?

Better love thy self first before loving another. Spend time alone or with friends and have friendly dates when you’re ready. Don’t give in to the pressures of your peers if you think you’re the last woman standing without a guy in tow among your gal pals. 

It is your choice. To be in a relationship but feel miserable and unhappy, or to stay single first, letting yourself grow up first and reflect on things and when you’re finally ready after some time make a good choice of your future lifetime partner!

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